At least, I can only come up with one explanation when the patient that you just worked up and transported for sub sternal chest pain, with radiation down both arms, with a “confirmed” cardiac history tells the triage nurse that she was brought to the hospital because of her epigastric pain and head ache. No, she doesn’t know why the paramedics would tell her that she was having a cardiac problem. No, she never told them she had “several heart attacks” in the past. No, that list of medications they wrote down was not her’s.

I looked at the patient, just to make sure that maybe I hadn’t mixed my patient up with any of the others waiting at the triage station.

Nope. Same middle aged, obese, none to hygienic  lady we had done an EKG  on, given aspirin to, started an IV, given NTG, and then lugged down three flights of stairs to the ambulance. All while she was moaning and groaning, not to mention grabbing onto the railings on the way down. And complainied about the bumpy ride on the way to the hospital.

Same lady, or so it seemed. Then it dawned on me. It only looked like the same lady, down to the very last detail. Only it wasn’t the same lady because at the very split second that I turned my head to say something to my partner as we were unloading her, aliens beamed up the original patient and replaced her with an exact duplicate that had a completely different complaint, past medical history, medication list, etc…

I only wish that they had saved us the effort and beamed from the third floor right to the Emergency Department.

No such luck.